Harry Potter, A Parody
by lizzywithfire
Summary: 7th year.  Hermione, Harry, Ron, Draco, Darla, Dumbledore, Tom Riddle Jnr.  Throw in some excessive bouncing and you have...  Harry Potter, A Parody


**This is my oh so serious latest fanfic. To be honest it's a couple of years old, and what I'm writing in reference to hasn't been seen (at least by me) on these boards for a while.**

**It still gave me a laugh when I had a look, so I thought, WHY NOT!**

**Enjoy - oh and don't forget to Review :P**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it... at all.. well I do own copies of the books, and some other select merchandise from the movies. But not the rights, oh I wish I owned the rights... Oh how I wish it...

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><p>"Harry!" Hermione shrieked upon first sight of her best friend, "Harry!" she repeated, this time with excessive bouncing. "You'll never guess it Harry" She continued, her voicing reaching an almost impossible high pitched register. "I'm Head-"<p>

"You're Head Girl" he cut in.

"Wait a second?" Hermione replied, "how did you know?" an inquisitive look reached her face, something most normally seen on the face of a play boy bunny in a maths test.

"It was in the Daily Prophet, You're not the most brilliant witch of our age for nothing." Harry finished explaining it to her as he saw Ron coming their way. "Oi, Look its Ron"

"Ron?" Turning to see him, Hermiones face lit up. "Ron!" She shrieked upon sight of her other best friend, and not so secret crush, "Ron!" she repeated, with even more excessive bouncing, "You'll never guess-"

"Yeah, You fat ugly mudblood, I know, You got Head Girl" Rons' face was corrupted by a massive sneer.

"Oi, Hermione" Harry added, pulling her to the side. "You should know, that over the holidays Ron found out that his parents are actually the Malfoys, he has finally revealed that he is a Slytherin, and that he hates all muggles."

"Oh" Hermione said, "that's ok" her face lit up again. "So?" she asked, "either of you Head boys?" Her face was heavily expectant, first at Ron, who was obviously head boy material, then at Harry, who had rarely saved the world without her help, so therefore did not deserve to be Head Boy.

"No" they both responded, sadly shaking their heads, until Ron added "Thank god I don't have to share with you"

As they entered the train Hermione continued bouncing away from her friends towards the front of the train where she got to meet the Head Boy.

Upon seeing who it was, her face fell. Then it lit up again when a small fifth grader came and spoke to her;

"Hey Mia, Well anyway, No professors on the train to introduce you two to each other, so I'll explain everything. This is the head boy."

"GRANGER!" Draco shouted the word in glee. "Man, I love you Granger."

Hermione regained some sensibility, or at least enough to pause and look at the insane boy.

"You see Mia" continued the fifth grader, "Draco found out on the holidays that his parents aren't really the Malfoys, he is actually a Weasley."

Hermiones' face fell, "Does that mean he has red hair?" the redness would remind her to much of her ex-good friend Ron Malfoy.

"No, don't worry about that, its just the attitude change."

"Oh, Ok" and with that Draco and Hermione walked off arm in arm, to spend the whole entire train ride gossiping about how much Draco used to make her life hell. Leaving the whole train to do what ever they wanted, under the charge of the fifth grader, who had conveniently forgotten to mention her name, or should we say "Darla" Malfoy, Dracos/Rons pubescent teen sister.

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><p>Once arriving on school grounds, Hermione and Draco made their way to see Professor Dumbledore. Upon reaching the stone gargoyle in front of his office they both started naming ridiculous candy names<p>

"Sugar Daddies" shouted Draco

"Chocolate Fondu" murmured Hermione, as she bounced excessively with each syllable.

"Sugared Penises" whispered Draco

and as Hermione began to whisper her next option, glazed sugar nutts, the gargoyle started moving to the side.

As the two stepped onto the moving staircase, Draco couldn't stop the Weasley-ish comment of "This is just like on of those muggle eskulaytoors". They finally stopped in front of the headmasters door.

"Hello Children, or should I say adolescent-almost-adult-teenagers? Welcome back to Hogwarts, and I must say a great big thank you to you Miss Granger. If it weren't for you, Harry never would have known to cast the '' spell. What a pity that I somehow managed to be in front of dear Mr James Potter when the spell was cast." His voice dripped sincerity. "Now I would like to inform the both of you that as of now, Hogwarts has a combined Head Boy and Head Girl common room."

Hermione squealed with delight as Dumbledore revealed this tidbit. She reached over, grabbing Dracos hand. "We're going to be the best Head Students ever!" Hermion exclaimed.

Draco beamed up at Dumbledore as the elderly man turned to escort them from his office and to their new rooms.

"Oh, One more thing" Dumbledore murmured as he began to show them how to open their new dorm. (Saying "Ickle Firsties" to the headless statue on the third floor.) "Before I forget, I probably should mention our new Defense Agains the Dark Arts teacher; Professor Riddle. He's only 19 and not from around here, make sure to be oh so nice to him won't you?"

Both Hermione and Draco squealed in delight already planning to invite this Professor Riddle to a slumber party.


End file.
